Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Oldmate_666 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout

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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy

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(630): View more from Illinois

That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."

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(540): View more from Virginia

Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.

(703): View more from Virginia

I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.

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