just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
