So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
