Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
