If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
