We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
