i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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