It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
