so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
