Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
