yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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