Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
