Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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