so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
