Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
