Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
