I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
