She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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