I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
