I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
