You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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