Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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