Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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