Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
