you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
