some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
