he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
