it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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