More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
