Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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