What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
