You're my little dorito
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
