then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
