Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
