I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
