Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize