we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
