proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
