I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
