I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
