so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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