Your face is a jimmy john
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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