WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
