I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
