I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
