watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
