hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
