You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
