There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
