Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is Oprah even human
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
