And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
