i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
